Mercy is proper EVERY day

This year homeschooling has been fulfilling and exciting but it has also had it's own set of challenges.

Classical Conversations (www.classicalconversations.com) has certainly raised the bar in our homeschooling routine. It is extensive & fast paced - there are so many elements to the program that I love & Jake really does shine when presented with the opportunity to memorize & recite all the material. The class I tutor is precious - all the of the children are sponges, sucking up all the information with a desire in their hearts to learn. I'm constantly amazed at the fruits this program shows in new ways every week. I love being a homeschooling parent. I love seeing that spark that shines in my son's eyes when he "GETS something. I love being able to nuture him & to coach him thru difficult problems. I love having him around and being able to experience this season in his life together.

I've felt led to supplement some history/science/spelling and English grammar with of course a Math curriulum (which CC reccomends). This is where I feel most of my struggles come from. Jake has a hard time working on his own in terms of copy-work. He lacks discipline in keeping focus - I think that's mostly due to my daily choices...

Our schedule has been so busy and I have been feeling soworn thin lately & have been praying for what God desires me to give up. I know my priorities need to be on God, then my husband, my children, their schooling, my home, and then my business. Unfortunately I haven't been setting a good example to Jake in this. My business has been trumping over everything else. I feel so blessed to be so busy with business, especially in this economy but I'm convicted today that it's not God's will for me to compromise my other responsibilities to possibly make another buck.

I've shared this with some of my close friends to pray about what to trim out of my obligations. God promises in His Word that "Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit." John 15:12

So why am I hesitating in doing & trimming/pruning what I KNOW God wants me to?

Fear, anxiousness, uncertainty, lack of faith...Yes - it's all of these & more.
Ultimately I know that it's because I want to try & control my business. But that isn't the foundation I built this business upon. I wanted to provide good photography services to others & make an impact on the community thru this gift. I wanted to Shine a Light onto others thru my passion. I knew this is what God was calling me to & I've been able to do so much thru the providence that God has given to me.

I'm praying for the courage & the discipline to say No - to let go of the things that I want to do but isn't bearing fruit (and fruit doesn't necessarily = money). I'm also praying for my homeschooling to natually hold more importance in my mind & my schedule instead of thinking that I can schdule other things & do the homeschool stuff later. I have a friend who doesn't answer the phone during the day at all while she's homeschooling & her answering message says, "If you are calling from 8:30AM-4:30PM We Are Homeschooling." I pray for that type of discipline and am thankful to have that example in my life to strive towards.

Season of Change

I'm studying in the book of Luke right now. In almost every chapter I've read the theme of change is evident. Jesus was & is such a powerful presence in people's lives most couldn't help but change from their evil ways & turn their lives towards God & his righteousness.

"So when they had brought their boats to land, they forsook all and followed HIM." Luke 5:11
"He left all, rose up, and followed HIM"
Luke 5:28

The past few months I've been feeling over extended, overly sensitive, and running to the wrong types of things to find rest. Looking towards entertainment and social networks to be rejuvenated. Was I ever feeling rested or rejuvenated? Not really - I would find myself feel guilty that I wasn't completing things that needed to be done around the house or in terms of my business or even with homeschooling. There's nothing wrong with being entertained, or reconnecting with people from your past or being social, but last week I became convicted that these things had a hold in my life that was pretty similar to that of an idol. They were at some extent stealing/robbing me of my peace & my joy.

I feel like God desires a new change in my life and I'm ready to follow after him with my whole heart. I'm ready to leave these things behind & to keep my eyes on God, trusting HIM. God has been changing a lot of things in our household and it seems HE would have us be ready for change in any avenue in our lives for HIS names sake. It seems that at least for Mike & I - God desires us to practice being flexible to HIS will.

When we lived in Massachusetts, Mike & I after much prayer felt led to lead a home church. As HE moved us to Florida, we kept thinking that God's will for us was the same & we kept having the same "home church" mind frame to no avail. Mike met a Christian man at his job who invited us to go check out the church he & his family had attended for some time. We resisted at first but finally after a lot of prayer felt led to join them one weekend. I remember laughing as we pulled into the enormous parking lot - "this is like a college campus!" The sermons were convicting, the worship was amazing, and we began going ever week. Shortly after that, we started getting plugged into the church - we went to a weekly home fellowship and began to start friendships that were founded on God. I even co-led a weekly women's bible study thru the Salt & Light group (www.saltandlightgroup.com) Our family was so blessed!

Then, we started feeling called to another church that had grown out of the St Pete fellowship. After the LORD confirmed to Mike & I that we were to leave our church family in St Pete to start over fresh in Palm Harbor I was excited as I knew God was going to use this change to bring HIM glory. Mike & I were able thru the Palm Harbor church to serve in a great capacity & we were so blessed because of it. Mike served on the worship team faithfully and we also served in the Children's Ministry, Homeless Ministry, we hosted & led a Home Fellowship, we were involved in the Womens/Mens Ministries. We made & built friendships with families that have had a great impact on my life. Then last month Mike & I felt God leading us out of the Palm Harbor fellowship & back to St Pete. This transition has been more difficult than the previous ones.

It has been a test of patience & faith to not react (in the flesh) to the challenges that this change has posed in our lives. We remained prayerful & tried our best to be led in peace by God. Some of the things didn't make sense to me in a worldly sense at all, but I trusted my husband - I trusted God & we remained unified throughout our final weeks.

A good friend told me, when you are on the right track - the right path; the enemy will always attack. How can you defend yourself against these attacks?
I'm convicted that only thru God's WORD can you protect your heart, your joy, & your peace. To give everything to HIM - to not take hold or lay claim to anything in this world.

Exodus 15:9-13
The enemy said, ‘I will pursue,
I will overtake,
I will divide the spoil;
My desire shall be satisfied on them.
I will draw my sword,
My hand shall destroy them.’

You blew with Your wind,
The sea covered them;
They sank like lead in the mighty waters.

“Who is like You, O LORD, among the gods?
Who is like You, glorious in holiness,
Fearful in praises, doing wonders?

You stretched out Your right hand;
The earth swallowed them.

You in Your mercy have led forth
The people whom You have redeemed;
You have guided them in Your strength
To Your holy habitation.

How can you be sure that your not being used to be a stumbling block to someone else?
By constant prayer & supplication...by being humble & being washed with thanksgiving & giving never-ending praise to God. I had written down in my bible from a previous study, "We should not be a people of retaliation - looking for opportunities to strike back. We should look for opportunities to give to those whom its hard to give love & mercy to."

My memory verse for this week is:
Therefore strengthen the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be dislocated, but rather be healed.
Persue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the LORD: looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled.
Hebrews 12:12-15

On this crispy & cool Monday I lift all these concerns, confusions, & all these circumstances to you God. I pray that I will be used to love those who are difficult to love - that I will be full of mercy to those who are hard to be merciful towards. I pray that my children will see your hand in all these trials & that when they are grown they will have a strong faith & trust in you God. I pray that their future spouses are also strong in faith & that their marriages will be blessed. I pray that my mouth will only speak of thanksgiving to others & any complaints I may have that I would only speak those to you. I pray to be filled with grace & that my thoughts wouldn't control me or steal me of my peace. I will keep my mind on the hope you God promises & will continue to trust in you.

I'm ready for these new changes, these new challenges, and I'm prepared to disinfect anything that has been holding me back from being a better wife, mother, sister, friend, or child of God.

Bella

This week has been a roller coaster ride. One moment feeling confident of everything going on in my little corner of the world & the next moment feeling bruised & exhausted - feeling like a failure and not sure how & when the bright light would appear.

It's amazing how, especially in times of trial - God placing things in my lap to help me analyze my pespective & to be able to digest the lumps of coal that are hard to swallow.

Today has been a rough day. It's been a day full of failures. A day full of messes. A day full of doubt. A day of attack. A day of unsurity. A day of questioning everything that I have been working on, trying to build, trying to brand. It's just been a yucky day.

This afternoon, feeling defeated, deflated, & uninspired - I sat down & watched an amazing movie, Bella. The story was moving, artistic - it ministered to me.
It allowed me to sit outside of my self & examine the ways that I am so very blessed. That although right now I'm not sure of the things that are happening & why all this doubt has all of a sudden surrounded me, I am blessed. I serve a God who loves me -He provides everything that I need. I serve a God who can overcome any & all obstacles that this world tries to place in my path. I need to just focus on HIM & not try to move off the path that is laid out in front of me, even when those paths seem to be easier or better. To quote from the CC Conference this week -when does easy or cheap ever hold anything of value?

Zechariah 8:12-13
For the seed shall be prosperous,
The vine shall give its fruit,
The ground shall give her increase,
And the heavens shall give their dew—
I will cause the remnant of this people
To possess all these.
And it shall come to pass
That just as you were a curse among the nations,
O house of Judah and house of Israel,
So I will save you, and you shall be a blessing.
Do not fear,
Let your hands be strong.

Running Away From What?

I just started reading Jonah last week but can't seem to get past the first chapter. It was an interesting dilemma as I'm normally able to read thru chapters quite quickly. Finally yesterday as I was sitting at the park while the boys played & Juliet slept I finally figured out why I needed to stop & "marinate" in this chapter. God had a couple of things to show me.

This being my first time reading Jonah but knowing the childhood story - it took me by surprise how fast the book starts off. Within the first 3 verses we are introduced to Jonah, the job God gives to Jonah, and Jonah's reaction. Jonah was a prophet of Israel who God instructed to leave Israel to preach a warning of judgment. Nineveh was the capital of the ancient Assyrian Empire - known for its cruelty & violence. Jonah's reaction to that task was to run as far as possible from Nineveh. This made me think of why Jonah, or why anyone who has a relationship with God would want to run away from Him or any calling he calls us to.
I marinated on this for awhile and this is what I came up with.
*Fear of worldly consequences when God's will has us doing something outside of our comfort zone.
*We have plans of our own that trump over God's plans for us, especially when we are living off the fruits of our past obedience to God.
*Our prejudice against corrupt & evil people blind our hearts from wanting to see them gain favor with God - it’s an evil part of us that want to see our enemies or those who pose a threat to us-perish without the ability to repent.

I was also caught by surprise at how fast Jonah would be to run away at this task he obviously didn't want to do. It showed to me how small & short sided his relationship was with God. It seems like God was trying to nurture & grow Jonah's faith in HIM. Sometimes those areas seem like growing pains at the time of exercising your faith but it always pays off - it always does because God is always faithful. The only way to test & approve this is to try it out yourself - & I know from my past & my history with God is that this proves true.

This first chapter also talks about how our rebellion can also get other, unsuspecting people, caught up in the storm (literally speaking at this point) of the consequences from our actions. When Jonah runs away, he tries to run to Tarshish - which is literally the furthest place from Nineveh. To get to Tarshish he had to pay for ship fare on a boat. While on the boat God creates a huge storm that almost destroys the whole ship. When all the occupants on the boat get together to try & figure out why this is happening, they draw lots (a game that people relied on the try & make decisions) and Jonah drew the lot that showed this was happening because of him. Finally he admits what he was doing and after the mariners unsuccessfully continue to try & travel with Jonah - they throw him in the ocean and the storm IMMEDIATELY ceases. As soon as the storm ceases all the people on the boat are converted. It shows to me how God truly does use every situation to repair & restore other's relationships with HIM. "Then the men feared the LORD exceedingly & offered a sacrifice to the LORD & took vows"(v16)

Soon after Jonah is repelled into the ocean, he gets eaten by a fish - not a whale like the visuals you normally see - but "Now the LORD had prepared a great fish to swallow Jonah."(v17)

To me the picture of a "great fish" seems kind of ridiculous at face value - especially why God would create such a thing JUST for Jonah. Then I started thinking about what purpose this fish would prove to help Jonah. Last night at Home Fellowship we were talking about how it would be nice, especially when you first become a Christian - to have a safe place - a cocoon where you can grow in your faith without having to be always tested & tried in the "real world". I think that the fish was created to help be a cocoon of sorts where Jonah is forces to stop, reflect, repent, and pray about these choices he's been making. This fish keeps him for 3 days & nights.

I started to think about where in my walk so I need to be in that cocoon. To stop, meditate & pray - where I can learn to trust God more, hear his voice - to quiet the noisy background & the distractions of this world.
In my daily routine - I need to reflect & submit to Him more.
In my goals & plans - I need to pray over these things to ensure that my motives & intentions are pure & aligned with God's plans for me.
When I feel empty & drained - I need to stop & lose my "self" in HIM instead of other distractions that do nothing to satisfy my soul.

Its amazing how much God wanted to show me in just this one chapter - I'm excited to see what other messages & visions God has for me in this book. It was well worth it to really stop & prayerfully, relationally read thru this chapter. I'm thankful & hopeful that HE has helped me to grow even more because of my obedience & willingness to just stop & spend some extra time with HIM today. I pray that anyone who reads this would be encouraged to do the same thing.
www.saltandlightgroup.com

Hosea 10

Apart of me doesn't want to be finished with Hosea (well I do have 4 chapters left). This book has spoken so clearly to me about so many things. It's also helped to me to explain a lot of Christian philosophies to Jake in regards to givings instead of being greedy - appreciating what you have and to find that balance of initiative.

In chapter 10v1, God brings to light how HE had brought an economic boom to Israel - & asks- What have you done with the prosperity's I have given you? Israel brought forth fruit to themselves, and then increased for themselves, and then embellished their own things. I looked at my situation and asked myself, am I being trustworthy with the blessings God has given me? Am I re-investing in others - in the kingdom to helps hare and spread God's glory? OR am I lusting after the upgrades that the world lies and says will offer me peace? Am I becoming a victim of consumerism?

Hosea10:1
Israel empties his vine
He brings forth fruit for himself
According to the multitude of his fruit
He has increased the altars;
According to the bounty of his land
They have embellished HIS sacred pillars.

Last week I went shopping and I have to admit it was hard not to lust after wanting nice things. A LOT of nice things. It took a few days of prayer and perspective to recover from that. Especially in this time where there are so many sales - its almost like that last hook that the stores use to try & pull you in. "Who can resist a good sale?" Then I realized that God doesn't not want us to have nice things - He just wants us to NOT go into bondage after those things. He doesn't want us to be consumed with those things. Where's the balance in that?

v3-4 For now they say;
We have no king,
Because we did not fear the LORD.
And as for a king, what would he do for us?
They have spoken words,
Swearing falsely in making a covenant,
Thus judgement springs up like hemlock (poison) in the furrows of the field.

I prayed for awhile and read and God spoke to me clearly. Seek MY Will & I will give you your hearts desire. If we do things God's way - even if it ends up going down paths we wouldn't have preferred - if we persevere thru it we will end up at a place that is so much better than we ever could have planned. Plus - during the times that are most uncomfortable, we will have the presence of God's peace to help lead & strengthen us thru those times.

10:12 Sow for yourselves righteousness;
Reap in mercy;
Break up your fallow (hard) ground,
For it is time to seek the LORD,
Till He comes & rains righteousness on you.

We have had our condo on the market for about 4 months now. We've had a bit of activity which is uncommon in this market. But we've had no offers. We get emails everyday of houses prices coming down and new listings. Houses that speak of 1400, 1500, 1800 sq/feet. I desperately desire to have more room in our home. I desperately want for Juliet to have her own room - where all the baby's things can be in one place. I would LOVE to be able to have my own separate studio & office space in my home where I can help to grow my business and help to contribute more to my family's finances. Mike & I could easily get preapproved for a mortgage and buy one of these homes however because we have been earnestly praying and earnestly seeking where God would have us live, there have been no homes with the 10,000 listings in our area - that encumber all of what our hearts desire. Some have come close and when we have pounced on those homes there's always been SOMETHING that was off about them. I truly believe that it is God's hand showing us that He has greater things in store for us as long as we wait upon Him & His timing.

But what if I just decide to ignore God's timing & His will?
v2
Their heart is divided;
Now they are held guilty.
He will break down their altars; He will ruin their sacred pillars.

I am convicted that if I decide to ignore God and I decide for myself when & what I want. All of those "things" would not bring me joy. I would always have a certain amount of guilt & I would feel confused & divided about things. It was the same as Israel - they chose for themselves what was best for them. They picked & chose God's will as long as it was convenient for them at the time. The blessings will be certainly limited when you have faith like that.

v13 You have plowed wickedness;
You have reaped iniquity
You have eaten the fruit of lies,
Because you trusted in your own way,
In the multitude of your mighty men.

I think of working out, not to belittle my faith but this came to mind this morning. If I only workout when its convenient to me and I only do the exercises I enjoy - its going to take a long time for me to get strong. I don't have a lot of convenient time and let's be realistic - exercise is not something I would put in my top 10 of things I LOVE to do.

Who wants to choose to be patient when there are so many options to get what you want RIGHT now?

Just as I am trying to teach my children how to work hard, save, have a happy heart to give, and to come to me with their plans - God is trying to teach those same things to me. So I pray that we would remain strong in this stance - and that God would extend the walls of our home to make it actually bigger than it is. For everyone to find room and for ME to care for our home the best way possible. So I can prove by my heart, my faith, and my obedience -that I can be trusted with more.

Jake's 1st baseball game

Jacob's first baseball game on Wednesday was a ton of fun. The parents of the kids on the team were great - the weather was beautiful and there's nothing like seeing your child be apart of a team. Well, granted - it was Jake's 1st game and he had no idea what to expect - and he did strike out 2x. But he was apart of a big play in the last inning and he threw the ball really well. I think baseball is going to help him deal with is patience issues - and his focus issues.

These are some of the pictures I took on Wednesday.

Homeschool Field Trip February 2009

Jake has been working on a Social Studies Project where he interviews different people in the community so he can understand the different roles people have in society.

So Far Jake has interivewed a:
Security Guard
Sheriff's Deputy
Forensic Sciences Supervisor
Senior level Judge
Chick Fil-A Supervisor

He has a little journal notebook where he keeps tracks of his notes and questions for each person.

These are my favorite questions that he came up with on his own - and some of the photos I've taken. We're going to put a book together after we get some more interviews done (the flu has delayed this project, understandably).

What is your job called?

Did you always want to do this job?

What is your favorite thing about your job?

Is there anything I didnt cover that you'd like to share with me about your job?

Hosea 4-5

Hosea is an amazing book.

It's filled with God's promises and with realistic applications on how to find that balance of being a Christian while living in the world.

It reminds me that no matter how much I mess up and fall into my old patterns that God is always there for me & is waiting for me to turn face towards him.

It reminds me that I need to have the same type of compassion, mercy, grace, and consistency towards my children.

The past month we've been plagued with illness - flus, coughs, stomach issues. And I realized as I was reading thru this book how much I didn't want to "bother God" - that I felt like I could get thru this time on my own. However as time progressed, I felt like my patience, my peace, and my consistency diminished. I realized that I really couldn't make it thru this time in the frame of mind that I desired without God. And that God doesn’t view our requests as annoyances - He desires us to come to him with our requests. He wants us to admit our mistakes, learn from them, and live our lives full of the peace, joy, and love that he created for us.

Hosea is a book about the consequences of Israel & Judah's disobedience against God. That they chose to do things their way, instead of God's way. That their faith was lacking - their disobedience was abundant, and the fruits of their own success were limited. I am convicted about my daily walk while reading this book.

Hosea 4:7
The more they increased
The more they sinned against Me
I will change their glory into shame.

It also made me think about the economic downfall of our country. I see how puffed up Americans can get trying to play "Keeping Up With The Jones'" The glory those sought in their own terms (buying things they couldn’t afford, putting things on credit, using their homes as banks) have now been turned to shame.

Sometimes I feel like I get this angry attitude towards those people - and how I don't want the government to bail these people out. Mike & I could have purchased above what we could afford but we didn't. We chose to buy a smaller home and now we are having to scrimp and save to purchase a bigger one. But God desires me to have an attitude of grace & mercy towards those who are suffering. It's not my job to push judgment or my anger on them. It's my job to pray for them, that God will use this time to bring these people onto a better path with him. That the greedy executives who have squandered people's tax $$ and have stolen - that their crimes would be found out but that they would get right and be ashamed of their greed. It's not just the criminals of greed that it affects.

Hosea 4:10-11
For they shall eat, but not have enough
They shall commit harlotry, but not increase
Because they have ceased obeying the Lord
Harlotry, wine, and new wine enslave the heart.

This verse spoke to me in how I can sometimes fall for the lie that having more things or eating better will make my life more satisfying or peaceful or better. It doesn’t work that way - no matter how much money you have or things you acquire or how much you work out or how much better you eat - there will never be full peace in any of that. There will always be a need for more.

Hosea 4:6
My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge.
Because you have rejected knowledge,

Knowledge isn’t just knowing everything. It's having a balance of trusting in God - having faith in what His will is. To trust that He will bring you thru anything. To be humbled to His Will. To seek Him above anything else. I would sometimes think that knowledge was having to know every detail about everything. Especially in the world of politics that is a one way ticket to bondage. As a person I can never know EVERYTHING. I can only know God who knows EVERYTHING!


Hosea 5:15
I will return again to MY place
Till they acknowledge their offense.
Then they will seek My face;
In their affliction they will earnestly seek Me.

I just pray that my walk will be built up during times of trial - and during times of peace & tranquility - so that I am faithfully prepared. I hope to continually practice trusting in God with every detail of my life so that I am strengthened to trust Him with the big details. I also pray that I will not fall for the lie that my requests and needs are annoyances to God – and that I am more merciful & forgiving to those who are suffering, even if the suffering is the consequences to bad choices.